You know how it goes. I know you do. Sure, sure. Here in the Paleo world we talk a lot about grass-fed beef and broccoli and greens and…omigawd, I fell asleep. Because sometimes you just gotta have something else, and you won’t stop scouring the pantry until you’ve found it. And so this little delightful tidbit was born.

Dark Chocolate Sandwich Nibbles

A super-dark chocolate bar (not less than 73%)

Some almond butter

Some sea salt

Some honey

— Cut your bar along the score lines. You’ll need two sections for each sandwich. Spread some almond butter on one chocolate section, sprinkle a smidge of sea salt on it, then drizzle some honey on that. Place another chocolate section on top and then you know what to do.

My parents are both Episcopalians, and I was raised attending Midnight Mass on Christmas Eve right after a big dinner and gift opening. I think the main reason we opened gifts on Xmas Eve is the simple fact that it’s nearly impossible to tell four kids to wait until the next day for their presents. But we did get our stockings on Xmas morning, usually full of all sorts of random items picked by my dad at the convenience store sometime after we went to bed. Oranges, apples, mini notepads, pens and pencils, nuts, decks of cards, and of course, candy. Lots of it. By 8:12 the next morning, we were all in a serious sugar coma in front of the TV, my little brother and I on opposite ends of the couch torturing each other with our feet.

Things change when you become an adult. I married a man who has no super strong ties to the holidays. His family is not religious at all and his father was a cop, so the actual celebration often happened on a day that wasn’t the 25th. This particular tradition continues to this day, because Brian is an emergency physician with a random schedule. He was off the week of Thanksgiving this year, which I prefer, but it means he’s working all over Xmas.

And now we have a little one of our own. Edie is 2 this year, a little young for fully understanding all of it, but she does recognize “Atty Claus” and enjoys removing all the ornaments from the tree and hiding them in random locations. But as the years pass, I’ll be able to share the season with her when Brian’s working, which will be nice. We have no religious ties to the season, but I’m sure we’ll develop traditions of our own along the way. Brian particularly likes the story of The Polar Express and its bell that can only be heard by true believers, so he’s convinced me that when Edie rings the little bell that came with the book, we’re to pretend we can’t hear it. We’re good for a few years of entertainment with that one.

But for me, it really comes down to food. It always has and always will. I’m not sure yet when the actual dinner will be this year, but Brian’s parents will be here to share it. I had big aspirations of ordering something exotic, like pheasant, but I didn’t get my shit together soon enough. So maybe I’ll roast a huge hunk of beef or bison, or maybe that huge elk tri-tip roast I saw at the store. Whatever it is, my holidays would feel incomplete without it. If I could, I would completely eliminate gift-giving in favor of everyone gathering at my house for a good meal and friendly conversation mood-lit by the lights on the tree.

I also make treats for my local friends. This is my first holiday season as a Paleo/Primal adherent, so this was a fun challenge. I wasn’t aiming for 100% strict, I feel like the holidays are a great time to let loose a little. I decided to go for full shock value and made dark chocolate-covered bacon, festively adorned with either shredded coconut or chopped pistachios. Oh yeah. And some butter-and-beer-glazed mixed nuts, which are basically like crack and are super dangerous to have around. My vegetarian friends didn’t miss out though. In addition to the nuts, they got some macaroons drizzled in dark chocolate.

All of these are easy to make in bulk. I packaged them in clear cellophane bags with a silver twisty tie, but you could go wild with the presentation if you so desired. Check craft stores like Michael’s or specialty kitchen stores for fun ways to gift your treats. Think Chinese-style take-out boxes, decorative tins, or Mason jars. Again, I apologize for the lack of great photos. I meant to take some good ones of the whole process, but things were a bit hectic and hurried in the end. But don’t worry—it’s all pretty simple.

What are your holiday plans? Making any Paleo or otherwise tasty treats?

Butter-and-Beer-Glazed Nuts

Edited 12/21/11 – Mixed up some measurements from different batches…they’ve been corrected!

2/3 stick pastured butter

1/3 cup honey

1 cup medium- or dark-bodied beer (I used Rogue’s Hazelnut Brown Nectar—yum!)

pinch of salt

10 cups mixed nuts (Roasted or raw, doesn’t matter. I used a mixture of almonds, cashews, hazelnuts, walnuts, pecans, and pumpkin seeds.)

1) Preheat oven to 350°F. Melt butter in large (4 qt. or more) pot over medium-high heat. Whisk in honey until combined. Add beer and salt, crank heat up to high. Let bubble and boil for 25-30 minutes, until reduced and syrupy.

2) Remove from heat and stir nuts in until thoroughly coated. Spread nuts in a thin layer onto two rimmed baking sheets lined with parchment paper. Pop in the oven, set timer for 7 minutes.

3) Remove and let cool. Package and try not to eat all of them. Seriously.

Makes about 5 decent servings.

Dark Chocolate-Covered Bacon

I saw a few recipes out there that seemed unnecessarily complex. I’m too lazy for that stuff. Just dip and decorate ‘em.

2 packs bacon (about 2 dozen pieces)

2 cups dark chocolate, either chips or chopped

1 cup finely shredded coconut

1/2 cup finely chopped pistachios

1) Bake the bacon, this is the best way to do it in bulk. It also allows the bacon to remain mostly flat. Preheat oven to 400°F. Lay bacon on rimmed baking sheets lined with parchment paper or foil, taking care not to crowd it so it crisps up. Bake for 10-15 minutes, rotating sheets halfway through to ensure even cooking. Remove from oven, let cool for 5 minutes, then blot with paper towels. As much as we love our bacon fat, it just doesn’t work in this case.

2) Melt chocolate, either in the microwave (use a glass bowl) in 1 minute increments or gently over medium-low heat on the stove. Using tongs, dip bacon into chocolate and place on yet another baking sheet with parchment paper. When half of batch is dipped and chocolate is still liquid, cover with one of the toppings. Repeat with other half of bacon and other topping and put sheets in the fridge to harden.

3) Package and gift. For an extra kick, don’t tell anyone what it is and let them discover for themselves.

Makes 2 dozen pieces.

Macaroons with Dark Chocolate Drizzle

6 egg whites (save yolks for later use)

Pinch salt

1/2 cup honey (make sure it’s liquid enough to pour)

1 Tbsp. vanilla

2 1/2 cups shredded coconut

1 cup dark chocolate, chips or chopped

1) Preheat oven to 250°F. With an electric mixer or beater, beat egg whites until almost-stiff peaks form. Add salt and vanilla, then slowly pour in honey while whipping the eggs. Fold in the shredded coconut with a spatula until thoroughly mixed, taking care not to deflate the eggs.

2) Using a large cookie scoop or tablespoon, scoop the mixture onto baking sheets lined with parchment paper, spacing them about an inch apart.

3) Bake cookies until golden around the edges, about 50-55 minutes (they will continue to firm up out of the oven). Allow to cool briefly on the cookie sheet, then remove with a thin spatula to a cooling rack to cool completely.

4) Melt chocolate, either in the microwave (use a glass bowl) in 1 minute increments or gently over medium-low heat on the stove. Drizzle cookies with chocolate and place in fridge to harden. Package them up and give ‘em to those you love. Or eat them all for yourself, I won’t judge.

Makes somewhere between 3-4 dozen, depending on size.

One of the loveliest things about this WOE is how it breaks down the psychological barriers we’ve built up in our minds about how food should be so that we can discover the myriad ways food can be. I never would’ve thought of this pre-Primal, and maybe not even pre-Whole30.

Nothing complicated here. I don’t mean to insult anyone’s intelligence. I’m just sharing in case you didn’t think of it already. What simple but surprising concoctions have you come up with?

Almond Butter-Coconut Milk Parfait

Amounts given are per serving

1/4 cup almond butter

1/4-1/3 cup coconut milk (I think Native Forest brand works best for this because it’s already blended together. If using something else that separates, like Thai Kitchen, try heating it up a bit first to combine it.)

Handful fresh or frozen/thawed berries (I used huckleberries)

— In a dish, layer almond butter on the bottom, pour coconut milk on top, and sprinkle berries over. Now put it in your face. *Yum*

Not actual muffins. I tried to get a picture but I ate them all too fast.

So…I can’t lie. I’ve made these twice. This week.

Moist, dense, nutritious, and totally comforting. I’m waiting for some room to open up in my stomach now so I can have another one before bed.

The oncoming fall season has put me into baking overdrive recently. I would put the brakes on it, but I’m looking down the barrel at a Whole30 coming up in October. I figure that’ll cure me.

The only changes I made to these were adding a bit of nutmeg, subbed coconut oil for the grapeseed, reduced honey to 1/4 cup (especially if your bananas are super ripe), and using toasted pecans instead of walnuts because I didn’t have any. Absolute perfection. You can thank me later.

Thanks to Primal Balance!

Aside from the obvious yum factor, salami provides a hefty dose of satiating fat, so a little goes a long way. It’s portable and less perishable than many other options, so it’s great for work or activities on the go like backpacking. It’s handy in a pinch for a snack. And? Yum. Did I already say that?

Look for brands that minimally process the meat and don’t add nitrates or nitrites. Applegate Farms brand is a good bet, but there are also many gourmet brands worth checking out. Volpi, Un Mondo, and Columbus all have tasty, uncured options. Some brands list sugar on the ingredient list, but as far as I can tell, the amount is so small, it doesn’t even register as a gram on the nutrition label. And of course, if you live in a town with a boutique butcher, check them out and see if they make their own.

Here are two super simple ideas, one for breakfast and one for a snack or appetizer. The strong tastes of olives and salami help shake eggs out of their everyday doldrums and the snacketizer is quick and easy. If you find yourself looking for more salami options, try my Antipasto Salad, topping a Paleo-/Primal-friendly pizza (here, here, here), or making a simple platter with cheeses, olives, and fruit.

Sorry, it's hard to make eggs look sexy! But it's easy to make them tasty.

Salami and Olive Scramble

*amounts are per serving*

butter or coconut oil

3 eggs

1/4 cup chopped salami

2 Tbsp. chopped olives (I used Kalamata)

salt and fresh ground pepper, to taste

Garnish (optional): mozzarella cheese

— Melt fat of choice in a small skillet over medium-high heat. Crack eggs in, sprinkle salami and olives over, and season to taste with S&P. Break yolks with spatula and scramble eggs around. Add cheese, if using. Serve when cooked to desired doneness and cheese has melted.

Salami, Cream Cheese, and Olive Roll-ups

Snack Version: Couldn’t be easier. Top sliced salami with a smear of cream cheese (or other soft cheese, like goat cheese) and an olive, roll it up, and eat it.

Appetizer Version: Couldn’t be easier. Top sliced salami with a smear of cream or other soft cheese, roll up, top with an olive, and secure with a toothpick.

The basic blueprint, of course, belongs to my friends over at PurelyPrimal.com. But the recipe is so forgiving, you can tool around with it and it always seems to turn out great. This time around, I wanted something a little heartier, a little more reminiscent of a wheaty, “wholesome” muffin, just without all the glutens, vegetable oils, and sugars. I shudder to think of all the cups of sugar I used to pour into baked goods recipes. These days, when I make a substitution, I can’t remember why it was ever necessary.

I made one half of the batch with dried cranberries for breakfast and the other half with dark chocolate chips for later. Both were awesome. I haven’t felt a lick of guilt about eating four of them today.

Hearty Hazelnut Muffins

1 1/2 cups hazelnut flour

1/2 cup almond flour

2 Tbsp. ground flax seed

1 Tbsp. coconut flour

2 tsp. baking powder

1/4 tsp. salt

4 eggs

1/2 cup pastured butter or coconut oil

1/4 cup water

1/4 cup honey

2 tsp. vanilla

Before

fun additions: dried fruit, fresh fruit (make sure it’s chopped small and isn’t too wet), chocolate chips, nuts, citrus zest

1) Preheat oven to 350°F. In large bowl, whisk all dry ingredients (flours through flax seed) together. In smaller glass bowl or large measuring cup, melt butter or coconut oil in microwave in 15 second increments. Add water, honey, and vanilla to melted butter/oil and whisk. Add eggs and whisk some more, until combined.

After

2) Add wet ingredients to dry ingredients and stir to combine. If using additions (fruit, nuts, etc.), gently stir them in now. Pour batter into muffin tins lined with muffin liners. DO NOT ATTEMPT THESE WITHOUT MUFFIN LINERS (these are my faves) OR, AT THE VERY LEAST, A SERIOUS GREASING WITH BUTTER OR COCONUT OIL. Otherwise, you’ll never get these out of the pan in one piece.

3) Place in oven and set timer for 15 minutes. Check for doneness. Mine always seem to need another 3-5 minutes to get golden on top and springy to the touch.

Makes 12 regular sized muffins.

NOTES: These will keep on your counter top for about 2 days. I’ve heard they will keep longer in the fridge, about 4-5 days. I wouldn’t know, because ours never last that long.

What I kept running into was something closer to a bread pudding, what with all the eggs and the non-absorbent almond flour. Which was fine, but I craved that bready texture and I wanted the banana flavor to really come through. I thought about trying a coconut flour version since it’s more absorbent, but then it dawned on me—why not combine both almond and coconut flours for their respective benefits?

Several attempts later, I think I’ve got it. This is sooooo good. Especially warmed up with a couple slabs of pastured butter on top.

Primal Banana Bread

*Editor’s Note 12/23/11: I made this again recently and made a few tweaks. Nothing drastic, but the recipe has been updated.*

3 cups almond flour (I’ve also used hazelnut flour)

2 Tbsp. coconut flour

2 Tbsp. ground flaxseed

1 tsp. baking soda

1 tsp. baking powder

1 tsp. cinnamon (I do 1/2 cinnamon, 1/2 cardamom)

1/2 tsp. salt

1/4 cup plain full-fat Greek yogurt OR coconut milk

2 Tbsp. honey

1 Tbsp. vanilla

3 eggs

3 bananas, mashed

1) Preheat oven to 375°F. Meanwhile, add dry ingredients (almond flour through salt) to large bowl and whisk to combine.

2) Add wet ingredients (yogurt/coconut milk through eggs) to a separate bowl and whisk thoroughly to combine. When mixture is smooth, stir in mashed bananas.

3) Add wet mixture to dry ingredients and stir to combine. If you’re feeling decadent, you can add some chocolate chips at this point. Pour mixture into a well-greased loaf pan (coconut oil is perfect for this) and put in the oven. Set the timer for 45 minutes.

4) Check on bread at 45 minutes. Mine usually seems to need a few more minutes. Pat the loaf, and if it seems or sounds squishy in the middle, give it another 3 minutes (set that timer!). This is usually enough for mine to finish cooking, but continue in 2 minute intervals until it’s ready if needed.

5) Now here’s the hard part—don’t touch it! It must cool COMPLETELY if you want to get it all out in one piece. When cool, turn over onto a plate, slice, and serve.

Makes 1 loaf.

The San Francisco Chronicle has a piece (here) with several great ideas for what to do with all those eggs the Easter Bunny leaves around. Devil ‘em! On offer are recipes that Aunt Myrna never dreamed of, using ingredients like yuzu juice, shrimp, and Dungeness crab. Just be sure to sub Paleo/Primal ingredients for a few SAD offenders like canola oil and mayonnaise.

Now if I could just get my hands on an egg cooker…thanks for the tip, Thor!

It was that time again, time for a substitution treat, so I trolled the internet looking for a muffin recipe (see my previous article about substitutions here). I’m not a great baker. Never was pre-Primal either. So you won’t find many original baking recipes here. What I found was this, which reminded me of this, but I gave it my own spin and it was so good, I thought I’d share it with you.

Of course this template can be used with whatever fruit and spices you have on hand. But I’m especially in love with ground cardamom right now, so if you have some around, give it a try.

EDIT: I’ve tweaked the recipe, changes reflected below.

Blueberry-Apricot Cardamom Almond Flour Muffins

2 cups almond flour
1 Tbsp. coconut flour
2 Tbsp. flax meal (optional, I like the flavor it provides)
1 tsp. baking powder
1 tsp. ground cardamom
½ tsp. salt

4 eggs
1 Tbsp. vanilla extract
2 Tbsp. coconut oil or butter, gently melted
¼ cup honey or maple syrup (or less, to taste)

½ cup fresh or frozen (thawed) blueberries
⅓ cup dried apricots, diced small

1) Preheat oven to 350ºF. Whisk together all dry ingredients (flour through salt) in a large bowl. In a separate bowl, whisk together the eggs and vanilla. Add the honey to the melted coconut oil/butter, whisk together, then add to the egg mixture and whisk to combine.

2) Stir wet ingredients into dry. Fold in blueberries and apricots.

3) Place paper liners in a 12-cup muffin tin. Fill cups evenly with muffin mixture.

4) Place muffin tin in the oven, set timer for 20 minutes. Check the muffins by giving them a pat on top. If they still sound and feel squishy, give them a few more minutes.

Makes 12 muffins.

NOTES: Toddler approved. Also, as you may know, almond or coconut flour baked stuffs don’t keep very well. I wouldn’t keep these around for more than 48 hours. So if you’re in danger of not finishing these in time, share them with some friends or co-workers. But they make such a great breakfast, dessert, or snack that I doubt you’ll have any trouble.

*Ahem* Who needs bread getting in the way of all the yummy stuff anyway? These little rolls are packed with all the flavor of a sandwich or wrap, but without the cardboard. I whipped these up the other day as a quick lunch for my husband and me. There were two different versions that day, and I’ll provide both here. The formula is the same: Tasty slice of meat, sauce/spread to act as glue, greens, and sliced/chopped veggies. So go wild with those basics and see what combinations you come up with. These make a great lunch, appetizer, snack, or party tray.

Deli Meat Roll-ups 

Beware overstuffing.

Version A:

3 slices roast beef or uncured pastrami

3 Tbsp. cream cheese, divided

1/4 red onion, diced small

3 cherry or grape tomatoes, quartered

handful of microgreens

— Lay meat out on a cutting board and spread 1 Tbsp. of cream cheese on each slice. Divide onion evenly over slices, then put four pieces of tomato on each. Sprinkle greens over and ROLL! Enjoy.

Version B:

3 slices roast beef or uncured pastrami

3 Tbsp. mayonnaise

couple squirts of mustard (preferably something interesting like Dijon or stoneground)

6 small, thin slices of cheddar

handful finely shredded lettuce

— Lay meat on cutting board and spread 1 Tbsp. mayo on each slice. Squirt mustard away to your heart’s content on top. Spread it around if you’re feeling fancy. Place 2 cheese slices on top of each meat slice, top with lettuce and ROLL! Enjoy.